Archive for September, 2006


An introduction(II)

September 27, 2006

In this post I’ll continue my previous topic however I think it has a just one reader!
In previous post I mentioned that my previous doubt became very strong and there were no answer or sign from a god. Eventually I decided to erase all my previous beliefs and reconstruct my mind structure from beginning. I also decide to never accept anything without a proof.
Having no beliefs was very hard for me and it wasn’t also easy for to have a new unprejudiced view to world. But I think I did my decision well and I became an agnostic. World had changed for me in this view. After going to university I started studying philosophy anthropology psychoanalysis and something else (my field in university was computer engineering (software)) these studies made it clear for me that I had decided completely right. After a while it was clear for me 99% there is no god and if there is a god it must be a so cruel and unconscious who never care about humans.
Now I call myself an atheist (not an agnostic) because I believe that we can logically never define a god without or outside of this world and if we want to define a god within this world for example define a god naming this world and its laws that govern it we would just play with words and we wouldn’t produce a new concept.

This abstract about my life and changing my beliefs finished here.
I’ll write about other topics in future.


An introduction(I)

September 22, 2006

Hello welcome to an obscure atheist’s weblog. I will write here to communicate to out of my prison world (I think I‘ll write about this prison in future more). Another reason for writing here is practicing English, because my mother tongue is Persian (Farsi) so take here easy but take it! Yes as you might guess that prison I talked about it is Iran. I think if you know this country a little it would not be so hard to understand the reason for I called it a prison.
Now I want introduce myself some more: I was born in a small city in Iran in 1982. My family was religious as many others. As you know most of people in iran are muslims , shia muslims like my family. I can remember many things from my childhood but none of them is valuable for discuss here except one: when I was 3 or 4 I asked my mother about this world , I asked her how this world was made ? She answered me god has created whole the world then I asked her who was god? I can’t remember her answer exactly I can just remember she told me about the power of god and his place in the heaven .after that I asked her who had made the god? She answered me nobody and god had no creator when this answer didn’t satisfy me she added don’t ask these questions again these are sins and god might punish me for these. After this discussion however I had some doubts I accepted all of her answers because she was my absolute sage. I think this was the first time that I faced religion concepts.
After that time gradually I became more familiar to religious concepts and all things that I was hearing about religion (Islam) was in favor of it and I never heard anything opposite the religious beliefs so my doubts got very weaker but they never died. And after all I became very religious, even more than my family. I prayed and fasted for Allah (god) in those years even I read whole of quran many times and some of its commentaries. In those years approximately I could read quran in Arabic and understand it without any translation. This situation continued until I was 18. Interesting point was that my parents never forced me to do any religious action and my treatments weren’t obligatory.
I had just one problem with Islam : sexual matters and relationship with opposite sex. I loved to have a girl friend and a love but even if I acted against Islamic laws that I believed in them I couldn’t act as I liked. And obviously it was the result of Islamic laws and culture in my society. In Islamic laws watching women face is banned for men but I couldn’t prevent myself and whenever I was watching a girl I felt that I was sinful for that. After sexual maturity sometimes I masturbated and it was very big sin for me and I couldn’t prevent myself. So asked god to help me and to protect me from these sinful acts but never he even answered me.
When I was 18 I experienced my first love, a childish love. I accidentally found a female friend (I think girl friend is not good word for what I mean) .we established a hidden relationship. We just talked via phone and we hadn’t any kind of sexual relationship even a kiss. But this simple relationship was very affective for me and I really enjoyed this sin. But this hidden relationship didn’t survived more than 4 month. She was 20 and a student in our city and after her education she left our city.
At this time my survived childhood doubts about god got stronger and this subject vexed me more. I continued to request god for help or send me sign for guidance and being free from my doubts. Some personal problems were added to the previous matters that I mentioned but still there were no help or sign from god and my doubts got stronger day after day.