An introduction(I)

September 22, 2006

Hello welcome to an obscure atheist’s weblog. I will write here to communicate to out of my prison world (I think I‘ll write about this prison in future more). Another reason for writing here is practicing English, because my mother tongue is Persian (Farsi) so take here easy but take it! Yes as you might guess that prison I talked about it is Iran. I think if you know this country a little it would not be so hard to understand the reason for I called it a prison.
Now I want introduce myself some more: I was born in a small city in Iran in 1982. My family was religious as many others. As you know most of people in iran are muslims , shia muslims like my family. I can remember many things from my childhood but none of them is valuable for discuss here except one: when I was 3 or 4 I asked my mother about this world , I asked her how this world was made ? She answered me god has created whole the world then I asked her who was god? I can’t remember her answer exactly I can just remember she told me about the power of god and his place in the heaven .after that I asked her who had made the god? She answered me nobody and god had no creator when this answer didn’t satisfy me she added don’t ask these questions again these are sins and god might punish me for these. After this discussion however I had some doubts I accepted all of her answers because she was my absolute sage. I think this was the first time that I faced religion concepts.
After that time gradually I became more familiar to religious concepts and all things that I was hearing about religion (Islam) was in favor of it and I never heard anything opposite the religious beliefs so my doubts got very weaker but they never died. And after all I became very religious, even more than my family. I prayed and fasted for Allah (god) in those years even I read whole of quran many times and some of its commentaries. In those years approximately I could read quran in Arabic and understand it without any translation. This situation continued until I was 18. Interesting point was that my parents never forced me to do any religious action and my treatments weren’t obligatory.
I had just one problem with Islam : sexual matters and relationship with opposite sex. I loved to have a girl friend and a love but even if I acted against Islamic laws that I believed in them I couldn’t act as I liked. And obviously it was the result of Islamic laws and culture in my society. In Islamic laws watching women face is banned for men but I couldn’t prevent myself and whenever I was watching a girl I felt that I was sinful for that. After sexual maturity sometimes I masturbated and it was very big sin for me and I couldn’t prevent myself. So asked god to help me and to protect me from these sinful acts but never he even answered me.
When I was 18 I experienced my first love, a childish love. I accidentally found a female friend (I think girl friend is not good word for what I mean) .we established a hidden relationship. We just talked via phone and we hadn’t any kind of sexual relationship even a kiss. But this simple relationship was very affective for me and I really enjoyed this sin. But this hidden relationship didn’t survived more than 4 month. She was 20 and a student in our city and after her education she left our city.
At this time my survived childhood doubts about god got stronger and this subject vexed me more. I continued to request god for help or send me sign for guidance and being free from my doubts. Some personal problems were added to the previous matters that I mentioned but still there were no help or sign from god and my doubts got stronger day after day.



  1. I too, grew up in a religious household. But I grew up on the opposite side of the world and in a religion that shares the same god with Islam but has been at odds with Islam for over a thousand years: Christianity. When I was four, I questioned the preacher who made god. He had no answer. I continued to read the Bible and began to question many of the stories in it. When I was 8, I asked the preacher how did the animals get from the ark to South America and where did Cain’s wife come from if there were no other people but Adam, Eve, and Cain. Again, the preacher had no answer. At 12, I started praying to feel god. I wanted to be like my friends who claimed he talked to them and that they felt his holy spirit. I never felt anything. Around 14 I started reading about other religions like Hinduism and Wiccan, and around 17 I realized their gods don’t exist either. I’m not saying there is no god at all, but I don’t he or she is the gods that mankind has invented.

  2. Welcome to the club of the godless, dear friends.
    I grew up in a Jewish society. It wasn’t very repressive, to say the truth. My father was (and still is) torn between faith and secular life. He taught me to read the prayers. Most Jews just mumble the prayers, or sing them ecstatically. Few actually read them. As a child, My dad made me read the prayer book while we prayed together, and I soon found I simply could not pray those things. How could I pray for the destruction of all infidels? How could I pray for the reconstruction of the temple and the slaughtering of animals at it’s altars?

  3. One of my issues with Roman Catholicism is similar to yours with Islam… sexuality and romantic/sexual relationships. I think it is horrible that people are taught that natural behaviour such as masturbation is “sinful”.

    I wish I had been taught the ethical way to interact with other people, in addition to what sort of things to expect, to know when one is in love. I made a lot of mistakes along the way.

    I think it would be much better if people were taught to respect each other, rather than to be segregated from each other. I think young people should be free to get involved with each other, to learn about sex and love, and to have lots of support and loving advice (actual, good advice… not nonsense tainted by sexism and superstition).

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